17th June

Assalamualaikum. 

I've decided to turn this blog into memories that i want to hold onto forever. I want to blog about things I really grateful for, and things that happened that I never want to forget. I want to look back and read everything that I've wrote and smile, because I know despite the depressing life I have, I am still surrounded by good friends and family that I'm blessed with. 

So, 13th June is my birthdate. In fact, it a date that I'm not really looking forward to this year because I have a goddamn economics exam on the day itself. And obviously, referring to my previous post, I am not hoping for anything. 

And nothing happen, pretty much. I got wishes from my close friends, family, social media friends and that's it. I studied, I got into the exam hall and answered exam questions, I got home and I sleep the whole day until it's time for iftar. 

Fast forward nearing the weekend, Tam texted me saying that he and Po wanted to sleep over at my place. Because 1) Tam's going back to Malaysia on Sunday so it'll be easier for him to go to the airport from my place 2) it has been a routine for them to come for the weekend and feed me food. Hahaha 

So, on Saturday Tam went to Surrey to pick up all his things, Po was suppose to join him but he was too lazy so he stayed in. I didn't bother to get out from my room because I'm lazy, and I'm too lazy to cover my hair lols but I did get out from my room eventually, since I heard Po in the kitchen. So to the kitchen I went, and apparently Po was making a carrot cake. I didnt think of anything, I tell you. Because for the past few weeks that they've been here, they've been making desserts too. It was sweet potato pie last two weeks, and strawberry fraise or smtg last week. So i went and help po. But i did ask him though 'why carrot cake?' he was like 'oh, because Tam wants carrot cake". 

Later that night after buka, I was soooo full. Tam then need to start packing. Po was helping him. I didnt know what to do so i just sat there playing with my phone while waiting for them. I was so oblivious that I didn't even realise that BOTH of them went to the kitchen. 

While scrolling through my social media, suddenly I saw them coming from the living hall and LOOO AND BEHOLD, they sang me ' happy Gucci day' (yeah, they're so lame just because i wear one gucci flats, they call me gucci) I SWEAR I WAS SO SHOCKED I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO REACT. They were like "did you expect this?" obviously my answer was no. Tam was like "well yeah, its actually for you. I know we bake it infront of you and all, but as long as you didnt expect it than that means it works" Po went "Yeah, when you asked why, nonchalantly i said tam wanted it although that cake was meant for you" 

Good lord, what did I do to deserve these two guys in my life. They're like the bros I've always wanted. Not like older brothers, or younger brothers. Just, brothers of the same age that I can always count on. And I am eternally grateful for that. I don't know about the future, but I hope our friendship lasts till the end of time. They're the real MVPs, these two. 

argh, still can't believe how oblivious i am throughout the whole baking thing. Like ??????????? amira wyd???? But, unexpected gifts is always the best, isnt it not? :') Thank you, Tam and Po. Love you guys! 

(Chicken was our iftar, and the other two is MY birthday cake hehe) 

the sucking truth.

in all honesty, ive never actually received gifts. Birthday gifts, or any gifts as a matter of fact.  I've never experience the feelings of getting something unexpectedly.

the only gifts that i actually received for my birthday was this white gold necklace from my mum for my 16th birthday, and ive been wearing it ever since. Oh, and also a scarf from Fia! Other than that, i dont think i received any. 

 i mean, obviously i do have presents from my friends, but that was when i had a birthday bash, and yknw how giving gifts are somewhat a courtesy during birthday parties.

its the fact that my parents are ""too rich"" that people think i dont have to receive things because i can ask for it from my parents. but the thing is, its the thoughts that really matters you know? 

ive never actually received anything from anyone. there's nothing that i actually find memorable and valuable other than this white gold necklace given by my mum and the scarf from Fia. 

i honestly dont mind if you give me a cheap gifts, really. i just want people to know that im, too-just a mere human that wants to feel loved and appreciated. i envy people who received so much gifts in their lives, i envy people who get surprise birthday party or something. I had one too, from wan filzah emy and tasha. i almost cried, i swear. they were so sweet. 

i--- haih. im probably talking gibberish now. i dont even know if it makes sense. but ya ok. 

bye

People think I'm always happy when in fact, I'm far from being that. 

oldie but goldie.

It's just one of the days when I should be studying... but I've been contemplating life instead.

And then it dawned on me how good the old times was. 

Like, 

Remember when puppy love handwritten love letter was it? 

When we want to talk with our friends in class but the teacher was too strict so we talk using a sheet of paper that we torn from the back of our book instead?

When we play paperplanes in class, rock paper scissors whenever we want to decide who to start first.

When playing hide and seek was the best games you could ever ask for.

When playing 'tiang', run and catch, rounders was a thing. 

I miss all that. I miss everything. We barely do that anymore. Kids nowadays don't do that anymore. Its the technology world, you see. And its sad to know that they won't have the fun childhood like we had. We don't play make ups. We play teas with our barbie dolls and friends. We don't go around hang outs in the mall and shopping. We play together at each other's house. Kids nowadays grew up too fast, and its a sad thing to see. 

Many wouldve argue that its a modern world, that things changed a lot over the years and all that, i know. I know, but it's still sad because kids nowadays wont have as much childhood as they should have whenever they look back into it one day. Maybe some still do, but very few would. 

Anywaaaaays, what saddens me the most is that all those old fashioned love gestures have been forgotten over time. Handwritten love letters, burned CD's of songs youve always wanted to say to your loved ones,  proper dinner date and all that jazz. Not that I have a boyfriend LOL 

ok bye salam yall